Srsly… May 17, 2008

more song chart memes
I really, truly, for the LIFE OF ME, don’t get Emo. Do you mean to tell me that, at the tender age of 16, you are that misunderstood??? Really? You have that much rage, that much pent-up frustration, that much angst, that you simply must dress in all black clothes, skinny jeans, and make sure your hair doesn’t get combed and hangs in your face? That you actually get your hair cut so that it achieves that effect naturally every day?

Or do you do it to be “different?” I have news for you: you’re just like everyone else you hang out with. You’re all wearing the same clothes, with the same hairstyle, and the same overdone dramatic makeup. Seriously, you’d do a stage actor proud. You’re no different than the kid next to you. In fact, you’re no different than the basketball player, the kid in chem class who earns straight As, or the quiet, shy girl who has only one friend. You’re just like any other teenager. The only difference is you look stupid.

But that’s just my opinion.

Bahahahahaha!!! May 16, 2008

see more politics and fun!

‘Kay, but seriously…

To be honest, I don’t pay too much attention to the political arena during primaries, especially when the candidate from my party that I’d intended on voting for (by “intended,” I mean that we were having our mail forwarded when primary absentee ballots went out and the U.S. Postal Service won’t foward federal mail, so we didn’t get to vote in the primary) - Fred Thompson - wasn’t elected. It was more or less a no-brainer that McCain would get pushed to the front of the stage.

But the Democrats…well…they’ve put on one hell of a show! Joke fodder has been endless, as has been my internal panic at the thought of either of them taking office.

I don’t want to turn this blog into a political soapbox for my beliefs, but goddammit, I’m scared. Universal health care?! Removing our troops from the middle east in a matter of 16 months?? We’d better pack our bags and head to France. They may have pulled out of the war but at least we know that when Al Qaeda thinks they’ve won because we’ve left, my family won’t be in the nation that’s getting attacked from the INSIDE.

*sigh* I feel better. Thanks for asking! Oh, and could someone notify HELL that it’s worn out its welcome here in Haytown? I’d really appreciate it.

Pack your bags, we’re going on a guilt trip!! May 16, 2008

So as I’ve mentioned, Mom’s turning 70 this year. This is terrific for a few reasons. First of all, a lot of people don’t ever see 70. Her parents didn’t. My dad, aunt and uncle didn’t. Hell, my dad and his brother didn’t even get to see 60. Second, before her heart transplant, the prognosis wasn’t what you’d call “optimistic.” Her old heart was more or less a ticking time bomb, set to go kaput by 2006 or so. Her new heart was a new lease on life, given a shelf life of about least ten years. Sadly, this December will mark year number seven. Oy.

Anyway, she’s turning 70. I know my one sister plans on being there for the occasion; I’m sure the other sister is formulating plans too. My brother, well, to be honest, I think he’s in my boat: he can’t afford it. He’s got six kids and although at one time he was pretty flush with money, the gravy train’s been a bit sluggish lately from what I hear. It’s not that he couldn’t get the time off, he could. He just can’t afford it. That, my friends, is also my dilemma.

If I fly back east, at least one kid (and to be realistic, probably both kids) would have to travel with me. I refuse to hold an eight-month-old baby in my lap through two flights and one layover each direction across the country just to save $200. In addition, I shudder at the thought of trekking through airports with said infant AND a tantrum-prone preschooler whose main ambition lately is to test her limits with me. The last thing I need is a security guard asking us to accompany him to a holding room because my three-year-old was acting suspicious and was making other passengers nervous.

But back to my point: I can’t afford $1,000 in plane tickets right now. I just can’t. And I don’t want my siblings coughing up money for the cause. I’m tired of accepting help from people. It’s crap. I’m nearly 30 years old - please quit treating me like a child!!! Besides that, I have a job now. Is it some big corporate to-do that would require a written request for five days off and coordination with HR regarding vacation pay? No. It would, however, leave a newly single mom in a lurch to find a few days care for her three-year-old son, and me missing a few days pay. I know I don’t make much, but it makes a big difference in our bottom line.

I want to go back, I really, really, REALLY do. But the facts of the matter are that I just can ‘t. Please, dear sister, please try to understand that. I’m not not going out of some misdirected petulance or because I don’t care; I’m not notgoing because it’s simply impossible.

Mom and I have talked and she says she understands. I know she’s disappointed - hell, I’m disappointed - but she understands that we just moved, we have two kids and two jobs to consider, and that plane tickets are hella costly. She’s planning a short vacation out here in the fall, possibly for the baby’s first birthday, to see her grandkids and us. I really hope she makes it - Beth asks for Grandma Betty all the time!

She also asks if Grandma Betty will be bringing presents…LOL Ah, sometimes Santa Claus takes a backseat to Grandma.

In other news, our fish tank has a slow leak. Do you suppose if I could pinpoint the leak, Fix-A-Flat could stop it up until we can cough up a few hundred bucks to buy a good glass tank? I am happy to report that after about 10 minutes of gravel vaccuuming and a change of water, plus an algae tablet and some de-clouding potion, our tank looks as good as new (save for the moat that’s developing around it). I’m so happy for my Fine-Finned Friends!

Hell’s Suburbia May 15, 2008

Seriously, I’m pretty sure we’re on the outskirts of HELL today.

According to The Weather Channel taskbar app I have, it’s currently 105 degrees Fahrenheit directly outside my front door. And I’m less than two miles from the bay!!! I can’t imagine (but of course, I’m going to look out of morbid curiousity) how hot it is at my in-laws place today.

*one minute later*

So that’s weird. It’s 98 degrees there. How the fark did that happen??

So here the kids and I sit, blinds drawn, windows shut, no lights on, just fans. What’s worse? We have to waaaaaaaaaalk to the store at 5 p.m. Walk. In the heat. With three kids. God help me.

Who ordered this weather?? Jeezy Creezy.

May 15, 2008

American Idol 7 - Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love 04/23/08

I’m simply enamored of this song. Had to share. Please excuse the AI introduction.

“SMOKEY!” May 15, 2008

I swear, if I close my eyes, I’m back in my dorm room in Rhoads, at my computer, chatting with J-Dawg…and getting a contact high from Ray & Devon next door. All the radiators on our walls were connected from room to room, so if they got high, we got high.

Good times.

I mention this because as I sit here, all I can smell is weed. So strongly, in fact, I’m contemplating raiding the freezer for some chocolate truffles. I guarantee it’s wafting in through our upstairs bedroom windows, which are wide open. Baby Boy will sleep good tonight, as will Beth, whose window is also open. We’ll all be stoned out of our minds by the time morning rolls around.

Ah, I love Hayward. Not really. But you can imagine.

One of those awkward moments May 14, 2008

Were you ever in a parking lot or mall or something, and you saw someone who clearly needed help but you weren’t sure whether it was your place to offer the help?

There’s a woman my age (I almost said, “girl my age” but let’s face it, my “girl” days are long gone) who lives across the way from me who’s had a limp for the last two months. Originally it was in a cast…I think…but at the very least, she’s had issues walking. We don’t know each others names, but we talk almost every day, share niceties, etc.

So I’m at Lucky (local supermarket formerly known as Albertsons) with the kids, just buying a few extras and we’re loading up the Tracker right by the front door of the store. As I’m putting the cart back, I see Nameless Woman With Limp hobbling past us, carrying two seemingly heavy bags.

My first inclination was, “Wow, that sucks.” Then I thought, “Should I offer her a ride? I know she’s going back to our complex.” But I didn’t act immediately. It seemed weird. She obviously walked here and knew she had to walk back. She meant to have this walk.

Then I realized that she may not own a car. So I inhaled sharply to pipe up and offer a lift. But nothing came out of my mouth except an exhale. At this point, I had to semi-bark for the fourth time at Beth to stand up so I could lift her out of the cart, and when Woman heard me say, “Beth! Stand up!!” she turned around, recognizing my Mama Bear snarl.

She stopped, lifted the left bag slightly as if to test the weight of it, silently deciding whether it was too heavy to haul the half a block back to our place. Then she heaved a big sigh and continued on her way. Now anyone, I’m sure, worth their salt would have called out to her at this point. But I didn’t. What if she didn’t want a ride? What if she thought to herself, “No, I was told to get exercise, to work out my leg and strengthen it. I will not ask for a ride.”

Also, I don’t know her name. I secretyly call her the Homeless Gnome because she always seems to be outside someone’s apartment, but I’m not sure which one she calls home. So what would I yell? “Hey, you with the limp!” or perhaps just, “Want a ride, Gimpy?”

AND…I just really don’t know her and I had both of my kids with me. May not be a smart idea if she’s secretly a homicidal freakshow!

I know she’s not.

Ah, I hate that awkward feeling. Now I may possibly be known complex-wide as the rude bitch who didn’t offer So-And-So a ride.

New Idea for Weight Watchers May 10, 2008

more cat pictures

I totally need this cat.

Monopoly Whore!!! May 8, 2008

Nerd Alert: My husband and I love Monopoly. Actually, we just like board games…any edition of Monopoly (we own the O.G. edition, the Here & Now edition, and the Harley-Davidson edition), Scrabble, Scattergories, MTV Trivia, Trivial Pursuit - 20th Century Edition, and Yahtzee! Yes, you have to add the exclamation point after Yahtzee! because it’s in the name. It’s only proper.

So Rob & I have been together for nearly seven years now and in that time, I have never beat him at Monopoly. Oh, I try, but I’ve never figured out the key to kicking his ass. The game usually ends with a bitter look on my face, winging money at him every time I have to pay rent, and my eventual announcement that, “This sucks. I’m in the hole, everything’s mortgaged or sold, and I can’t afford to pass Go at this point. Game’s over.”

You might say I’m a sore loser. This is a lifelong problem. As a young child, before I was too cool for him, my dad and I played a lot of checkers - mainly because it’s the one game I knew how to play - and Rummy. I found out about eight or nine years ago that my dad used to let me win occasionally, not just to keep me interested but to avoid the eventual temper tantrum that would ensue if I kept losing.

I digress, we had some kid-free time tonight and decided to test our real estate saavy one more time (this is the third time this week that we’ve played). The last time we played, he very casually mentioned - and so casually that when I brought it up tonight as we were putting the game away, he didn’t remember saying it at all - that the key to winning is to buy up properties on the corners of the board, because everytime someone comes up one side, they will inevitably end up on a corner. I know what you’re thinking: all the properties are corners. True, for monopolies, they are. But you shouldn’t waste your money on railroads or utilities. There are fewer and more spaced out, plus you can’t build on them. What good is a stagnant property?

It stuck in my head and tonight, I led a quiet ambush. First I bought the orange properties, then the red, then the dark purple, and finally the regular purple. Then I put up houses and hotels like it was the thing to do. And he went down in a blaze of glory!!! I got the giggles every time he mortgaged a property, or got that deadpan look on his face when he had to cough up $450.00. I’m pretty sure that this was the highlight of my week, sadly enough!

But what came later was even funnier: As I reminded him that it was his tip that pointed me in the right direction, I burst out with, “Look at me, workin’ the corners!!!!”

Oh wait…

I emerge victorious. May 7, 2008

She ate the banana. It was two hours later, but dammit, she ate it! I knew hunger would get the best of her.